Dating and spanking
“You’re the reason why I got three 8s tonight, you know that… “He knows that I need that; I need for somebody to push me as hard as I push myself and his method works with me and when we leave the dancing studio we’re eating French fries at some Mc Donalds nearby, just hanging out talking.
Everyone knows that from behind the anonymity of a computer or phone screen, many men won’t hesitate to let their inner creep fly.
There are two phenomena that dwarf the rest of the cultural landscape. Even allowing for multiple viewings, that is a sizeable chunk of the world’s population who have dialled up the song and watched his deranged performance.
They have changed the way we think and the way we behave. Both the British bondage expert and the Korean Orpheus have provided an important lesson in the contagious power of the web; both of them have spawned endless imitators; and both of them have had a thoroughly peculiar effect on the habits of good and law-abiding people in this country.
We had no idea about a district called Gangnam, where the women drive a Mercedes-Benz and take group exercise by waving their bums on the banks of the river.
We had no idea that it was thought cool in Gangnam to drink your coffee straight off – down in one – while it is still scalding hot.
Let’s be frank, I think most of us had only a very hazy notion of Korea before Psy appeared before us.
We had heard of a land of kimchi and roast dog, where giant chaebols produced excellent cars and machine tools.
In the cultural hit parade, it’s time to reveal what is Number One this Christmas. Some couples said that their relationships had been saved.
I have read of at least one sad death caused by the strain of performing the absurd pony-like prancing, and feel sure that others will succumb in the days ahead.
Above all, both Fifty Shades and Gangnam have exposed things we never dreamt of about the way the world really is.
We had a glorious cultural Olympiad, in which operettas were performed on canals and spectators jumped up and down on a bouncy Stonehenge.
We have had another Tudor novel from Hilary Mantel, more songs from Adele, and just about the best Bond movie that any of us can remember.
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We have built a gigantic mutant trombone by Anish Kapoor, this country’s largest and most eccentric piece of public art. As I understand it, EL James had an online market for her porno maunderings long before the bookshops started to be full of those tasteful pictures of lush silver ties on a black background.